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Subject:"i have smoked away my pride"
Time:10:32 pm
"it is my birth'day
it is a new'year
i should be hap'py
that i am still'here
light up a new'joint
put on an old'shirt
.."

im in love with this say anything song called "try to remember, forget"
its marvelously delicious


i have to wake up at the crack of dawn
literally, the sun rises at the time im wakin up

im really depressed
i have no friends, except Taylor.
its bcause i dont make any effort to call the friends i have, or hang out with them .
becuase im always hanging out with taylor. not that i dont like hanging out with taylor, i love it .. i love him .. i just miss girls. and like.. parties
i hope new paltz is filled with parties and girls that love me .. nd friends filled with friends .. because im in desperate need of these things.

halloween was really scary
very scary
it took a couple days to recover.. and im still not the same
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Subject:ehh
Time:11:34 pm
Current Mood:exhaustedexhausted
so tonight Sam Kelly was having a house warming party. i was supposed to but i was too tired from starbucks. i woke up at 7:30am this morning, and i gotta wake up at 7:10 tomorow cuz i wanna take a showa. whatever so im kind of sad because i really wanted to go to that party, all my friends that are around are going. shit, that actually makes me really sad. because seriously basically ALL of my friends are going. i really dont have that many friends around here right now but all the ones that are around would be at sams new cribspot

i havent been to a party in 2 months, last time was when liz had people over before she left to go back to school to vermont. and it wasnt even a party. it was a gathering.
this is depressing.

starbucks ruins my weekends. u fucks!!!


ON THE BRIGHTEST NOTE EVER..
i got into new paltz
woohoo
a wieght has been lifted off my shoulders..
i no longer need to rot in WCC, i am free
i dont have to worry about what im going to do with my life and if im gonna be stuck at the dubs
no no no
i will be at new paltz in the spring
wooHOOooooo!!!!!

i really miss a lot of things
i miss potsdam
i miss my buds there, man ..they were realy great and special, different than any people that ive ever met and different then any people that i will ever meet. but i guess its too soon to say that. but if i were to make a hypothesis, that is an educated guess my friends.
i also really miss .. well im kind of too embarassed to talk about it, its too personal

nvm
ugh. anyway.

My life is seriously lacking somthing. i don't know what it is.
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Current Music:returning to cookie mt
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Subject:Rediscovered.
Time:10:21 pm
Current Mood:tiredtired
it was hard to rememeber the password.

lets see a lot has changed
ive learned so many new things!!!!!
because SON i stay learnin new things everyday
today i hung out with jon wier and his frend teddy and taylor
we smoked a blunt in his woods it was kind of dark like 8ish
and i learned about Plato's theories on like the mathematical defintion of what beautiful is and this other crazyness that i dont feel like typing

taylor doesnt drive the mini van anymore he drives this cool jetta eees sexy but he cant drive it that well and its kind of old but i like the speakerz and the cd player

spring semester at potsdam was amazing i met the coolest people ever and my roomate sarah anderson was the best ever. i loved that place. i left because it was too cold and too far from civilization. too far from NYC. and it cost way to much money to go home for the weekend,or to go anywhere really. but it was nice being able to go to vermont for cheap. i love burlington. once when we went to burlington sarhs car brokedown on the way back, we had to stay at a hotel i effing love hotels more than anything!! ah
we got to miss class too
but then i got back and i had a fever and was very sick
so anyway..

i left potsdam. i wanted to go to New Paltz but i didnt get accepted. my art portfolio got accepted. its actualy kind of sad. i got a letter saying i was accepted into the arts program so i thought that i got accepted into the college so i was very happy everyone was happy, my parents were proud etc but then about two days later i got a letter saying i was not accepted.
then i wrote a letter back telling them how great i was.
then they wrote me a letter back saying to send my grades.
but i didnt send them my grades because i had to get a grade fixed (4.0 ! bitchez) the teacher took too long to change the grade so it was too late.
i didnt care because ...
i knew if i went to wcc i would get mad dollars from the govt
and whos not down for some free money!?!

anyway..
now here i am.. its the end of september. ive gotten really into crystals like Tourmaline and flourite and other powerful special crystals and rocks. ive got a pretty nice collection. i also really like electronic music. i really connect with it its kind of hard to explain but it just sounds so good!
bassnectar and
girl talk and
disco biscuits and
soundtribe and
and omg i saw RJD2 in june and he blew my mind i love it

im pretty miserable at wcc. im taking ONE cool class- printmaking. i love it. ive made one friend shes really great. she reminds me of a bunch of people that ive known mixed together into one person. i love her and want to see her more! shes really funny and makes me laugh a lot hahahHAHAHha

ah

im really bored all the time
i dont really do anything ever
i havent partyed in forever
siigh
i get to party on friday sorta
sts9 and bassnectar im so EXCITED!! wooho. its gon be off the chiz

OH AND how could i forget
im working at starbucks
have been for about a month and a half or so now.
it kind of sucks only because i have to wake up mad early
and if i didnt work at starbucks than i WOULDNT have to wake up mad early
le sigh,
lately..i really hate my life though and sometimes i get like.. these really strong serious feelings that i want to die. i feel kind of almost fulfilled with life , but then i just feel selfish a few seconds later.
and it makes me feel even worse.

but i mean sometimes im happy, like im not always hating my life.

i really love doing art
and i really love crystals
and i really REALY right now am really into my psychic abilites. they are really apprent. like im serious. every day i predict things, or see things that i had thought about earlier in my head ( ESP ), and i can communicate to people, not all people, without talking. but it depends if they are on the level, but i can not explain what on the level means becuase it wold be too much to type and i really have typed ENOUGHHh
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Subject:HELLOOOOOO
Time:02:40 am
I FEEL SO SHITTY
i feel soo sick
aaaaah i think im goin to die

but its saturday night,
and i plan on going to some parties
and getting my drink on.
we'll see how things go.
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Time:09:38 pm
so like...
the weather could be perfect if it wasnt raining
its 61 degrees out and raining.
fuck you rain, what did we EVER do to you?
why do you hate us so much??
WHY CANT U JUST STOP!!!
WHY DONT YOU JUST STOP!!!
cuntass motherfucker

im tired and my stomach aches.
i wish the food here didnt make me feel like death.

taylor is wearing an abercrombie shirt and humping me.

im listening to the disco biscuits show that we saw on Halloween.
i feel like im there again...

maybe if i had eaten 2 tabs of high quality LSD.












im sick
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Current Music:MICKEY AVALON
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Subject:one two three four, get your booty on tha dance floor
Time:04:28 pm
Current Mood:alright alright
gangster gangsterrrr.

okay so this is whats going on-
i have adapted to Potsdam.
i no longer hate my life.
ive gotten used to this scene.
im still not staying more than a year (Hopefully)

i met some cool people, sorta.

last weekend was mad fun, and thats when i decided i dont hate it as much anymore.

im stretching my ears. my right ear is at like a 6 and my other is at a 10.
the 6 is kinda fucked up because i went from 10 to 6
and it hurts and theres kind of has a bubble on the back.
eww.

TODAY is mine and Taylor's 9 month anniversary.
Oxy's will being coming either today, tomorow or the next day.
I'll be home in ONE week.
I'll be seeing Gretchen in 8 days.
I'll be seeing the Biscuits on the 24th.

Mickey Avalon is awesome. check him out, hes gangster as shit.

ima go nap now.
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Subject:meow chow.
Time:03:38 am
greetings from the north country bumble fuck.

im sad as usual.
im addicted to marijuana.
me and taylor are trying to cut back, so we are only going to smoke Thursday to Sunday.
i cant believe how badly i want to smoke right now. its so like, soo fucked up.
i feel so dependent.
im such a loser.

this weekend was kinda nice.
we went to visit taylors family on their farm by Lake George.
it was bumblefuck as well.
its like i just cant escape the bumble fuck.

but there was some cool things around there-
like farm kitties
and cute bunnies
and a haunted brothel house, that taylor was too pussy to let us go see.
he says he wasnt scared.
and there was a cool thrift store where i got a nice sweater,
some cheap cool indian like shoes,
and a wind breaker that im not really sure if i like or not.

blaah bad vibes
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Current Music:sci fi channel
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Subject:cunt
Time:11:43 pm
Current Mood:stoned
I hate it.
i fucking hate it here.
im so miserable.
every day is just worse than the last.

sometimes there are fun parts of the day but thats all there is.
its cold and raining

i hate my life and i wish i was some where else

i really dont know what to do
i feel like running away and FUCKING my education
fucking everything and just living off of whatever i can and risking my life

i need something
i havent been this depressed in a long time

im very unstable
and i cant control my temper
or my moods
im so fucked

i dont FUCKING KNOW what to do

sorry for being so emo and dramatic
but i feel like shit
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Current Music:Bowie
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Subject:hello i love you, wont you tell me your name?
Time:06:33 pm
Current Mood:relaxedrelaxed
greetings from westchester conuty.
this was a nice weekend at home.

i enjoyed it, even though i missed my baby.
friday was a nice gathering at michelles house, good to see those kids.
saturday was me hanging out with scott puss, getting drunk during the day and smokin mad blunts..
then i went out to dinner with the fam, and felt to shitty to go out after.
sunday was hanging out with scott during the day, smokin blunts.. me beating him in Tekken 5 a bunch of times.
then i went and saw dane cook's new movie with my sister, haylee, mike po and max.. smoked blunts, and it was MAD FUNNY!!! ahah


today im chillen, and making a huge playist on my iPod entitled Bus back to potsdam
the bus is fuckin 8 hours long.
manhattan to potsdam, with a 35 minute layover in Syracuse i think it said.. or maybe Albany.
and the price is outrageous-- 88 bux round trip.


i cant wait to see Taylor tomorow!
too bad i got my period yesterday...
well its actually a good thing because now im not pregnant.


i got a quarter of some nice chronic to bring back to potsdam ;).. cuz all we get up there is outdoorsy shit.. but i mean, its cheap and i spent $100 down here for a qt and only $60 up there.. is it worth it? I donno, maybe.
and im excited to get back there and continue the doces business.

i sorta missed potsdam a little. which is wierd, i dont know why.


i had fun with pussy, hes a nice guy.. and his apartment is pretty sweet.

over.and.out
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Subject:lonely girl.
Time:10:18 pm
home from college for the long weekend.

the 8 hour drive was dreadful.

im lonely bcuz my boy is camping for his backpacking two class
im so lonely!!!

ah

AHHH!!!!
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[icon] This is the first day of my life...
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